An apology, 18 years late.
By the 3rd time you asked me out for a drink
I couldn’t think,
I’d used up my last excuse, I found it too hard to refuse
so you picked me up at eight. We headed straight
into town, to down, a few gins, and so it begins
…it could have been the air that night, but something didn’t feel right, you had no insight, I felt nothing ignite.
In truth my mind was fixed on another, possible lover, who was at the time in some other
bar not too far…away.
His smile made me feel wild.
So I told you I needed to use the pay phone, left you and the stars all alone, said I’d be right back, but I didn’t look back as I slipped away, with not one heartbeat delay
straight into the arms, charms and eager palms of him.
When I thought about you since, I wince
and wonder how long you waited. And it might be belated
but sometimes I imagine you wept while the bartender swept and you kept
the bar mat from beneath my glass and clung to it as you pass
girl upon girl refusing to commit, afraid to admit,
that your heart is unfixable
but we had only known each other a few weeks so that kinda reeks…of insincerity.
Maybe you stayed and your imagination played
a scenario again and again on repeat so you rose to your feet and winded the guy on the right who took flight
knocking the bloke by the bar with the scar
that you gave him after you had a quick spar.
You nutted the dude by the door, he hit the floor
then with a heroic swirl you stole the heart of his girl
and left, without feeling bereft.
Maybe it gave you time to think, and not sink
into depression but find your aggression
to tackle life head on and strive on to become something great, like prime minister
or something less sinister
and now you live as a CEO
in a condo
that is bigger than the pub we met in, without forgetting
what the experience gave you and somehow you want to thank me, sincerely
for offering you a new life and a hot wife.
Or maybe you were approached by the M15 because in your situation you were THE representation
of James Bond. Conned by someone you were fond of now ready to channel your hurt into digging up dirt of political foes that’s how it goes. Just what they needed so they pleaded to have you on board. You can now afford
yachts in Monaco but everywhere you go
the Russian’s follow and your life is still kind of hollow
because each girl you have to leave allowing them to believe you will return kinda burns…reminders from your past. You hope the next mission is your last.
Maybe you set the heart blazing of someone amazing and she saw the chance at a glance to slide into my seat and meet
the man of her dreams.
You instantly forgot my existence unable to have any resistance
your hands met and she led
you away to her bed
You have eight children and a very large dining table, your relationship is stable and you are able…
to save all year for Christmas.
Or maybe you just sat for an hour before the cold made you cower and as the evening grew dank, your heart sank from the humiliation you were feeling and you left to go home, alone to start dealing
with mending your pride, from the inside.
I am so sorry.